Dawning Thoughts

I have been married twice and learned a great deal from both situations. In my first marriage it was a disaster from the beginning. I just flat out never should have married him but because I made a commitment I tried for years to make it work. In my second marriage I was head over heals in love with my husband, I'd even goes as far as saying I was addicted to him. However he had some behaviors I was unfamiliar with and I experienced some very deep heartache with him. He is a perpetual liar, he was constantly lying to me about other woman and what he was doing. I would receive phone calls from woman saying that they loved my husband, had some that would drop cards and gifts off at the house leaving them on our porch, not knowing I lived there since he was lying to them as well. I had someone even forward me emails where he was arranging to meet someone at a bed and breakfast and another one that talked about him spending the weekend with her at her apartment. I was broken, spe

Over the years I have found that the things that I have experienced in life has caused me to build many walls. Many say that others actions don't effect anyone but themselves but I do not believe this. Our actions always effect those around us. I was born into a large family. I am the youngest of eight children and I was not planned. When I was only one year old one of my brothers was killed by two drunk drivers that were following each other in separate cars. The first car hit the pickup that my brother was a passenger, the pickup was spun around and was cross ways in the road. My brothers friend who was driving had hurt his knee and my brother got out to go around the pickup to check on his friend, that is when the second car came around the bend and slammed into the pickup throwing my brother a distance. This driver continued his motion and ran over my brothers body. The accident report says that there were tire tracks across my brothers chest. This incident has effect

It seems in this day and age that wrong is becoming what is right and what's right is becoming wrong and unpopular. The energy that is being expelled by so many people in our country seems to be fueling an evil that is out of control. People are hiding behind their own prejudice and making excuses for their own actions, trying to blame everyone but themselves. Our society doesn't want to believe that their own actions have any kind of consequence. People don't think they are responsible for their own choices. It has become an age of entitlement were people think they are owed things without working for it or earning it. It has become the norm to ignore any kind of morals because people think its ok to do, say, and wear what ever they want. Their is no common courtesy or respect for others displayed in society much any more at all. All these things make me very nervous to have a son that wants to be a police officer. It is becoming more unsafe as people have no regard

I read a post today on Facebook that asked if you had a list of qualities you wanted in a spouse. When I was young and stupid....no I didn't, but now yes I do. My list, however has been evolving over trail and error, and the coarse of many years. I have learned many things over the years about people and as look back to when I was young I had no idea what I wanted then. Did I like certain things about certain people, yes, specially when I gave myself more time to get to know someone. I made many decisions out of fear, and impatience when I was young. That was a huge mistake. I found that I repeated that mistake again with my second marriage and it didn't work out then either. I have though between the two marriages learned quite a bit about myself, life, and what I want.   I have very strong convictions about religion and have found by experience that I want someone with those same strong convictions. You can not control someone's loyalty in a marriage and I want someon

The little bumble bee goes about its day doing its thing, flying from flower to flower. Bumble bees are not aggressive but when they become agitated they can sting multiple times. I had one sting me multiple times. The poor thing flew up my sleeve while I was driving. This is how I discovered I was allergic. My arm turned purple and hurt for quite some time. I went to the doctor and had to be treated. I love watching these bees but I must admit since I was stung I take precautions not to disturb them.

I thought it would bother me when I started to see gray show up in my hair, but It has started to show up and looks like little strands of tinsel in my hair. And it's not gray, it's white. I actually like it. It's funny but it makes me smile. My sister made the comment that maybe I was going to be lucky enough to get the McConnell white hair...and maybe I have. But for now little strands of tinsel is cool, and I think even a bit pretty. So finally starting to get a few white strands now that I am in my late 40's isn't so bad, and it's amazing how it just hasn't bothered me like I thought it would. I like where I am in my life and I like that I have gotten myself through so much. I'm proud of every silvery white strand in my hair and every scare I carry because I have a wonderfully blessed life, great kids, and my heart is full of gratitude for all of it.

Have you ever had one of those people in your life that is a pathological liar? You can see right through them but they think they have one up on you. Seriously, I really don't see how these kinds of people think that you are so stupid to believe what they're trying to dish out as truth. Do they believe their own lies that much that they justify their actions to themselves? I know someone that thinks they are just the greatest thing ever and that they never do anything wrong, they never apologize, and when they are clearly way out of line they justify themselves with excuses, half truths, and by trying to change the subject off the thing they are lying about. I have seen this person talk so much crap about people behind their backs and be their best bud when around them. I find this disgusting and fake. This person is not a real friend to anyone because the only one they truly care about is themselves. This person is even seeing his best friends wife while his friend is awa

I recently responded to a post on Facebook asking what a secure person would be. I like to relate these kinds of things to my own experiences, so that being said I have found that the things I found security in over the years changed dramatically by experiences over the years. T he word "secure" has changed for me several times in my life and really depends on where you are in your own life. When I was young fresh out of high school what was secure then, is not what is secure now. Life changes the security you think you have and our sense of security sometimes tends to be shattered by others choices making us have different and a sometimes more broad view of things. I have experienced many things and I'm not sure I find security in anything except the gospel of Jesus Christ, everything else are experiences that we are to learn from. I don't find someone who dresses bodacious secure, to me that is part of their personality. I relate the word secure to somet

When I was young no one thought I would ever have kids. I wouldn't have anything to do with children what so ever. I babysat horses, and I enjoyed that very much. I don't actually think having kids in my future ever crossed my mind. Now with that being said when I got pregnant with my first child I experienced a complete change. I was experiencing many challenges with my marriage but I did not get married to get divorced so I stuck it out so it was hard to enjoy being pregnant. I spent a lot of time alone and feeling alone therefore I studied my scriptures in conjunction with raising children. I have used that knowledge to raise my kids. I taught my kids what NO meant, that there are consequences to their actions at a young age and now that they are older they make good choices and are great kids. I support my children in their education and I try to give them the opportunities to excel at the things they enjoy and to pursue their dreams. I also try to teach them about spi

I find it interesting how answers to prayers have presented themselves in my life. I thank the Lord every day for his guide and protection in my life. I have recently had some things I was pondering over for the last week, then low and behold, the Lord sent someone to knock on my door, to send me the answer I needed. I am also grateful to have the eyes to be able to see that this was a wonderful answer to the prayer that I had in my heart. Isn't it amazing how when we have a prayer in our heart and have a desire for God to guide and direct our lives that he will in fact guide us? Looking back I see Gods hand in steering my life, however he did let me make wrong choices, but I did learn a great deal from them. In review, I can see that my impatience was one of the biggest reasons I didn't see or hear the answers I was looking for from the Lord. The Lord allows us to make our own choices and he is an overwhelmingly patient loving Father in Heaven. He allows us to learn, gr

Patience has never been one of my strong points. In life I have made many mistakes because I was not patient, and yet I still don't think I have learned patience. To wait is almost terrifying. Its the not knowing, being unsure of things that effect me the most I think. It is my nature to like to feel safe, secure, reassured, to have a knowledge that the things I want most in life will someday be. Being told to have patience and to wait on the Lords timing is extremely trying. To many times I have let life effect me and I have found myself reprimanding myself, actually arguing with my inner self saying 'Your in idiot, why do you do this to yourself'. Each time telling myself to knock it off, but you know what? It's really hard. I see in my mind my resolve to put myself back where I would like to be but life makes that difficult, It is difficult not having outside support and only relying on yourself to lift yourself up. It sometimes seems like a vicious circle

So, I wish I could attach the music I'm listening to, to this post because my son is playing "If you could Hie to Kolob" on the piano just now and its so beautiful. Definitely one of my most favorite songs. As he plays I can feel myself relax, the cares of the day fading into thought provoking memories and peace falling into place all around me. What a blessing beautiful music can be. This is one of my most favorite things. I love how this kind of music effects me. To me it is uplifting, reverent, respectful, and peaceful. Simply put, beautiful in every way.

Science and religion; many people think that they contradict each other. I say they dont. I think as humans our knowlegde is not yet perfect, there for we still have trial and error, and many many questions. That being said, I believe that an all knowing and loving god did use science to create this earth, our solor system ect. The complexities of the world are to organized, balanced, and to perfect to be random. Nature has a balance, if it doesnt it is our doing. There is a natural order and law to our lives. We as humans like to think we can manipulate and change these laws but in the long run we are only disrupting the natural way things are created to be. If we step back and view the natural order of things we can see how things should be..life really is that simple. God has given us guidlines to follow that will enable us to live happy lives. We are the ones that have complicated that plan. We like to think we know more then god and we like to make our own laws and standards to

 Some people enjoy change, they get a thrill moving from one adventure to another without any fear. I admire these kinds of people, as I wish I had a fraction of their fearlessness. I think when I was younger I was more brave, but when I look back I'm not so sure a reconize that person any more. Whats funny is that I find that if I'm with people I trust then it's so much easier.... Speaking of change..........whats the hardest thing that happened in your life that caused a dramatic change in your life? For me, it was these things.... a mission for my church, marriage, children, and divorce. When I graduated high school I briefly went to college where I become very ill and had to return home, after seeing a doctor for a time I moved my mom to alaska. Now although Alaska is a very beautiful place it wasnt a place that fit my personality. When the opportunity arose to go to Texas to help my sister who was pregnant move to a new home I took it. Texas was wonderful, I lov

I have learned that I love quiet moments that are given, to stop from the rush of everyday, and stop and enjoy the things around me. I think this is possible no matter where you are.....It's just a matter of refocus. I think I have found doing this the easiest while in nature....I mean, what isnt more peaceful then listening to the birds and insects and enjoying a beautiful view, specially when the sun is out with a slight breeze. If your lucky enoung to live by a lake or beautiful mountains, a field of fragrant flowers, or even a field of flowing wheat blowing in a breeze, take the time to enjoy a quiet moment to listen and reflect. I have found quiet moments when watching my kids perform. I have been blessed to have very talented children who perform on stage. They do various things from plays, singing, dancing, playing instuments, to writing the scripts that are performed, and also behind the scence stuff as well. I am amazed every time. It fills me with joy to see how much

This is 'Baby Kitty". How many of you have had a pet that held a very special place in your heart? Baby was such a pet for me. I got her from a shelter as an adult on a trial basis at first. I was looking for a certain kind of cat, and well she worked out. I adopted her and gave her a forever home. I lost her last year. She died from natural causes, and I was holding her in my arms when she died. She was fighting it and I kissed her and told her it was ok, that she was loved, then she calmed down and died. I cried, only because I am selfish,I knew I would miss her, and I still do.  Our pets become part of our families and bring us just as much joy and saddnesss as our own flesh and blood does. Some people are dog people and some are cat people, personally I'm a cat person. I like how independant they are and that they lay on your lap and seem to know when you need them. I have a cat currently that I have raised since his birth and he is spoiled rotten but is very loving

I took this picture across the street from my home. I am fortunate to live in one of the most beautiful places on earth...The Pacific Northwest. I love nature. It's so simple and pure. Have you ever seen something like in this picture and stood there and contemplated just being? I remember taking a deep breath and just letting it out. Nature is so relaxing. I like how I can stand still, listening, and feeling everything around me, the wind, the sounds, and even the smells. It all allows me to connect to my environment, and to me appreciate it even more. Have you ever listened long enough to hear the trees creek, the leaves rustle, then the many different kinds of birds chirping, rustling in the trees or undergrowth, watched the ants on their different kinds of missions? Raising children these were all things that I loved pointing out to them....The world has so many little worlds on it, it's a truly amazing and beautiful place. 

What have I learned so far on my Journey? Well, I've learned that I'm still learning. I still discover new things about myself every day. I discover new things in the scriptures that pop out and it's an 'awe ha' moment...lol. I've learned new talents that I have...that's kinda funny, because its one of those face plant moments when you think, "Oh duh, well that makes sense." I've learned what my nature is, I am usually quiet and reserved, but I am an observer, very detail orientated, I try to look at a big picture taking in all the information and then form my own opinions on those observations, I'm not a people person and don't find social events very comfortable, being that I have a more introverted personality those situations cause a bit of anxiety. I have discovered however that I am a mother bear, and as mother bears do, I support my children and protect them....fiercely if need be.

I changed how I looked at life and myself when I was pregnant with my first child. I changed. I was so young and full of fears. I was very skinny and as my baby grew my tummy would bleed. I didn't feel like my husband was very supportive as he was very young as well, and our relationship so new. I did decide however that when my baby was born I wasn't going to work anymore. I decided to devote myself to being a Mom 100%, and through the years I have been blessed even after being divorced to be able to remain a stay at home Mom. I know there are many Moms out there that work and do the best they can, and I say to you Bravo.....This is my story however and I am pretty adamant that I did that right thing for my children. No one ever thought I would have children, I just didn't want anything to do with them. I discovered with my first child that it was completely different with my own. I had a bond, a connection that felt divine. I was being entrusted with a child that had

Growing up no one thought I would ever have any kids. Why, because I didn't want to have anything to do with them. I think I babysat one time, after that I always said no. I chose to babysit animals, mostly horses for our next door neighbor. Growing up I was totally a horse person. I loved the quiet time to think and talk to the horses. I spent hours and hours by myself. I was the youngest of eight children but being that my closest sibling was 5 years older then I, it felt more like growing up an only child. Over the years I have thought about how I felt about how I grew up, there are some things that shaped me that I believe altered my divine path. I think the number one thing, was that being so much younger then the rest of my siblings, I was always left out. I was always told I was to young to play games with them, to young to go on outings, and so I was hardly ever included...at least not enough for me to form any lasting memories of togetherness with my siblings. I a

I met my second Husband through scouting. We were both leaders and we both had sons close to the same age. I found him to be refreshingly fun and as time went by I felt like I had come home anytime I was with him. We met and were married rather quickly, which was our first mistake. Another mistake was that we didn't really discuss our different beliefs and how we would manage them before we got married. Huge mistake....he assumed I would give up my religion for his which for me wasn't something I would ever do. This caused a very big rift between us. Another really big difference was our parenting styles......I moved out so many times do to behavior I didn't want around my children. It was both good and bad. My children saw me stand up for my beliefs but it was tearing my husband and I apart. We had totally different ideas of what was right and wrong. Our moral views were different, our social views, and just about everything else. It was a total disaster. However the o

Hi again, this is me shortly after having knee surgery. (By the way this was many years ago.) And one of the many times I moved out and got my own place while being married to my second husband. Ok, about the knee surgery; here's the story, short and sweet.....I was playing basketball with my son and some scouts, came down wrong, dislocated my knee, broke the top part of the big bone in the lower part of my leg and totally obliterated my ACL. Sitting on the floor of the gym and seeing my knee I knew it was bad but I took ahold of my knee and popped it back into place. Oh man, if you have ever dislocated anything you know that it feels better when its put back into place but with all the other damage I was hurting pretty bad. I managed to drive myself half way to the hospital before the pain became to much and the fear that a deer would jump out in front  me became to great. I pulled over and called my sister. It just so happened that they were on their way home from a date and