Lasting Hope......


I have been married twice and learned a great deal from both situations. In my first marriage it was a disaster from the beginning. I just flat out never should have married him but because I made a commitment I tried for years to make it work. In my second marriage I was head over heals in love with my husband, I'd even goes as far as saying I was addicted to him. However he had some behaviors I was unfamiliar with and I experienced some very deep heartache with him. He is a perpetual liar, he was constantly lying to me about other woman and what he was doing. I would receive phone calls from woman saying that they loved my husband, had some that would drop cards and gifts off at the house leaving them on our porch, not knowing I lived there since he was lying to them as well. I had someone even forward me emails where he was arranging to meet someone at a bed and breakfast and another one that talked about him spending the weekend with her at her apartment. I was broken, specially when I had loved him so deeply. I would move out and he would come to me wanting me to come home. Well I wanted our marriage to work because I loved him so I would try it again, however a leopard never changes his spots. His behavior actual got worse. He started grooming a young girl in whom I didn't want around at all, I knew she was trouble from the very beginning. I found receipts for inappropriate things that he was buying her, I caught him lying to me about spending time with her. To me that is what did it, I left him and divorced him. He in turn moved this young girl into his house, and gave her anything she wanted, a few years later she filed a sexual assault restraining order on him. I really wasn't surprised I had felt that their relationship was inappropriate from the beginning. I knew that when he stopped buying her what ever she wanted it would get ugly for him.
 Recently he started calling me again and I'm nice but I will never trust him again. I found out that I was right today when I discovered he has been seeing a woman named Dee Dee while he was trying to sweet talk me back into his life. How can a guy think woman are so stupid? There is no way in hell I will ever trust him again. I just shake my head in wonder and laugh.
I'm not interested in settling for anyone anymore. I would rather not be married then go through all that again. If a man is not as committed as I am and, have and want similar goals, then no thanks. I have learned what I want and don't want and I will never get married till I have met and know for sure in my heart he is the right one. Third time is a charm they say, and I hope someday that it will be the last. The one that will last forever.

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