The Winds of Change


 Some people enjoy change, they get a thrill moving from one adventure to another without any fear. I admire these kinds of people, as I wish I had a fraction of their fearlessness. I think when I was younger I was more brave, but when I look back I'm not so sure a reconize that person any more. Whats funny is that I find that if I'm with people I trust then it's so much easier....
Speaking of change..........whats the hardest thing that happened in your life that caused a dramatic change in your life? For me, it was these things.... a mission for my church, marriage, children, and divorce.
When I graduated high school I briefly went to college where I become very ill and had to return home, after seeing a doctor for a time I moved my mom to alaska. Now although Alaska is a very beautiful place it wasnt a place that fit my personality. When the opportunity arose to go to Texas to help my sister who was pregnant move to a new home I took it. Texas was wonderful, I loved it right away. I was quite nervous about meeting new people though, but as time went on I found that I made some friends there that changed my life forever. Texas was a change, a wonderful change, that still holds a special place in my heart. Because I went there I discovered a lot about myself, I became closer to my Father in Heaven, and I took many of the things I learned from my friends with me through out my life thus far.
When I left Texas and went on a mission it was one of the scariest things I've ever done. I wasnt leaving to go somewhere where there was family on the other end of my destination. I had very fond feelings for a certain person in Texas but I felt I wasnt good enough for him....I was so young and was also terrible at communication. I knew this mission would be good for me. So I did it....and Yes I loved my mission. So at this point your wondering did I see him again after my mission, yes I did. And I screwed it up by choosing to hear a negative after a possitive....when I should have focused on the possitive. Sad day. Anyway I did get married but not to him. I had a very rocky marriage that I tried really hard to keep together. But in the end I left him after 12 years of marriage. Change was hard. It was hard giving up on something that was so important to me. But I felt like I was the only one trying and I was loosing, I didnt like myself or my life. I met someone new and felt alive again....it was awesome!! Till reality hit. He was great but completely different then myself. I learned that I really had no idea what it was like in the world at all. I was very sheltered from worldly views and morals. It was a shock that I ran from eventually. I didnt want to be worldly...still dont. I like being in the world but not of the world. I dont want to have to worry if my husband is cheating on me...I shouldn't have too! Call me old fashion but I like the idea of that picture of the grandma and grandpa growing old together.....of respect, honor, and communication. It really is that simple. We are the ones that complicate things.
So now what? Change....now I continue to work on myself; to discover what it is about me that causes me to make these choices and to eveluate, grow, and change. Scary.....YES! But whats that saying? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I also firmly believe that when you allow the Lord into your life on a regular basis your change will only be for the better!!

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